“Curiosity in the Forth Grade”
“Raise your hand, please.”
These are the words Mrs. Loveless spoke when she noticed Tommy Smith squirming in his seat located in the back row of her fourth grade classroom over at Shirley Elementary School.
“All right, what is it, Tommy?” she asked after acknowledging Tommy’s raised hand.
“I need to go to the bathroom, Mrs. Loveless. I didn’t get a chance to go this morning at home, ‘cuz my sister takes forever to go. My mom says she is constipated.” Tommy replied.
“OK. But hold off on the “TMI” – too much information part – as we don’t need to know what goes on at your home. Did you remember to bring your birth certificate today?”
“Yes, ma’am.” as Tommy reached into in backpack.
“Good. Does is show “Male” or “Female”?
“Male” declared Tommy, “but I’d like to be a Female today. I’ve never been in the girl’s bathroom here at school.”
“OK.” Mrs. Loveless said. “But first, let me check on the Federal Bathroom Regulations I received the other day.” After a few minutes of thumbing through the two-inch thick file, a very pleased and politically correct Mrs. Loveless said. “Oh, here it is. Yes, you may go to the girl’s bathroom,”
Just as Tommy was getting out of his seat, Sally Bradley raised her hand, asking , “I’d like to go with Tommy. You know how girls like to go in twosomes to the bathroom.”
Mrs. Loveless paused as she wasn’t quite sure if this was permissible under the Federal Bathroom Regulations (FBR). “Just a minute, Sally while I look this up. By the way did you bring your birth certificate today and what does yours show?”
Sally grabbed her certificate and loudly announced it had the word “Male” on it.
Now what, thought Mrs. Loveless, so she went to the next FBR step asking if Sally had any operations lately.
“Oh, yes! I did have one about three months ago over the summer vacation.”
“Can I ask what this operation was all about?” a puzzled Mrs. Loveless asked.
“Oh, no!” said Sally, “my therapist is Ms. Bruce Wayne and she says this is none of anyone’s business!”
“Just one minute, please, Sally, while I look further into the FBR. Well, it appears that I cannot ask you about this matter, so all right, you can go with Tommy to the girl’s bathroom.” said a resigned Mrs. Loveless.
“Just a minute!” shouted Tommy, “I ain’t going to go with “him” to the girl’s bathroom. I need my privacy!”
Sally jumped up yelling, “If that’s the case, then I don’t want to go with “her” either. And besides, I am really a girl as I was just fooling about the “Male” part. And the operation I had was to have my tonsils taken out. My birth certificate really says “Female.” I just wanted to see what Tommy had!”
“Oh my goodness!” a very confused Mrs. Loveless exclaimed as she once again poured through the Federal Bathroom Regulations, “Ok, here it is: Tommy, you go to the girl’s bathroom and Sally, you go to the boy’s bathroom. Be back here in ten minutes.”
Thirty minutes later, Tommy and Sally re-appeared at the classroom door. An annoyed Mrs. Loveless wanted to know why these bathroom visits took so long.
“Well” said Tommy, “when I got to the girl’s bathroom door, there was a long line and once I finally got into the room. I discovered that there was only one place to go and it was behind a door. Also I was not comfortable sitting down. I think I’ll stick with being a boy!”
“Mrs. Loveless,” said Sally, “I’m sorry I took so long also. I just couldn’t use the boy’s bathroom as it didn’t have a place to sit down. I never did go, but as a girl I know how to hold it! I think I’ll just be a regular girl, if it is OK with you, Mrs, Loveless.”