Bathroom privacy, the big issue of the day, has the potential to tear America apart, to strip us to our bare essentials! It also offers several great moneymaking opportunities according to Mickey Smedley, a local wheeler-dealer, best known for his somewhat successful Hog Waste Conversion Kit back in 2013.
Here’s the problem/opportunity: The Federal Justice Dept., under the guise of upholding the Civil Rights Act of 1964(!), has threatened to withhold billions of federal funds from the state of North Carolina if the state does not rescind its newly enacted law on bathroom accessibility. This NC law simply states that the sex designation listed on a person’s birth certificate – male or female – is the determinant for which public bathrooms – both private and commercial – are appropriate and that no other provision is necessary. This law, of course, runs afoul of the Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender crowd (LGBT) and their supporters and the Obama Administration. The Fed/LGBT stance, in effect, says that Joe (born a boy), who now thinks he is really a girl – or even if Joe thinks he would like to be a girl, should be allowed to use the restrooms and locker rooms provided for Girls/Women at malls, restaurants, public swimming pools, public and private schools, and a host of other public/private places.
O’vey! So what’s the problem? Most of us, when using bathrooms, locker rooms, and changing areas – value our privacy. We just don’t like having someone looking at us while we are doing nature’s bidding or while we are standing about in our birthday suit. In the past – perhaps the last 5,000 years or so, society accepted the conventional protocol that allows people of the same sex to be in the same room while waiting their turn so to speak, while also practicing courtesy and respect of another’s privacy – by keeping their eyes to themselves.
For several millenniums this common standard has worked fairly well. Of course, there has always been the perverts and pedophiles who lurk about such places, but with warnings and parental and authority watchfulness, this danger has been fairly well contained. Today, however, with no barriers as to who goes where when it comes to bathrooms etc., we have invited into our privacy the very same type of person we tried to keep out in the old days. Think about it: who is more likely to violate one’s bathroom/locker room privacy than someone whose sexual interests run toward their own “identity”? Today’s bathroom nonsense is all akin to the examples of wolves in sheep’s clothing or letting the fox guard the henhouse.
Conventional sexual definitions and practices have undergone monumental changes in the past twenty years, some good, some not so good. The LGBT folks won the questionable marriage war and they did win some relief from undeserved abuses. What is taking place now, however, is an overkill and abuse of the rights of those who have different convictions. The “straights” as guided by God’s vision and biology, and just plain common sense, are now mandated to adhere to the conscience-busting rules as prescribed by the Justice Dept. Where are the rights of a person who does not want to share a bathroom or locker room with someone of the opposite sex – real or not? Will your kids at the local school be required to change their clothes in front of someone of the opposite sex – real or not? And what is being taught in our public schools on sexual identity today? Will federal school funding be withdrawn if the curricula does not satisfy the LBGT?
Mickey Smedley may have some profitable redresses for these challenging issues that tear at our nation’s moral fiber? He is working on several ideas: the first to deal with the problematic use of public bathrooms is a pill called “Hold-It!” This pill will enable a person – who is out and about in the public avenues, to suppress nature’s calling until he or she can reach the desired privacy of his or her home bathroom. A second promising concept Smedley is cooking up under the name of “Bathrooms R Us!”, I will offer complete bathroom/locker room privacy for any of the current ten sexual identity categories. This plan, offered as a franchise, will feature Deluxe Port-A-Potties on wheels.
Next Week: The public responds to Smedley’s solutions.