Geezer Grover Smedley and his new wife, Gladys (if at the age of 83, she can be considered “new”), headed up last week to Chicagoland to spend the holidays with Grover’s two daughters and their respective (using he term loosely) families. Grover’s usual practice when making these visits is to stay at an upscale hotel located in the western suburbs mitigating the cost by using Hotwire. The one drawback to this procedure for Grover is that it requires using the many confusing tollroads and interstate highways that surround this large city when he is traveling to visit his two families, one living in downtown Chicago and the other residing in a far western suburb.
This forced use of these highways is always a daunting challenge – and especially so to a rural and age-challenged driver such as Grover. The crowded, bumper-to-bumper, fast moving, urban and suburban traffic allows little room for correcting wrong turns and missed tolls. Before one knows it, a driver can find himself squeezed into a lane that is taking him far beyond his intended destination requiring him to pay tolls for totally unwanted travel – or worse – whizzing past toll booths without paying, creating a whole other set of problems. Here is Grover’s “Christmas Story.”
On his first excursion to the city dwelling family, Grover approached the entrance to the nearby tollroad and learned that the booth was set up for either an “I-Pass” or “Coins Only.” Oh, Oh! Grover and Gladys did not have the $1.10 in coins to drop in the toll basket and of course, he did not have the I-Pass used only by frequent tollroad drivers. The entrance ramp did not allow for a u-turn so Grover, with no choice, had to enter the tollroad knowing he would be recorded as not paying. Of course, the Illinois Tollroad Authority makes provision for missed tolls and makes it easy to pay them online, giving the violator seven days to come clean without penalty.
The next day, following the same route, Grover was prepared with pockets filled with coins to pay the “Coins Only” toll, and he dutifully tossed in four quarters, a nickel, and five pennies and waited for the Green “GO” light. Nothing happened. Grover threw in another twenty five cents into the basket. Still nothing, so Grover rolled through just like the day before, no worry, he would pay the second missed toll online.
On day six of his visit, Grover got around to paying the missed tolls online, but he ran into a snag in that he could not remember the exact location of the toll site and the time of day of his disobedience. So Grover made a semi-educated guess as to the site and time, figuring that the folks at the Authority could figure it out and move Grover out of the overdue and unpaid register.
It didn’t happen!
Two days later while visiting his city family, there was an authoritative knock on their door. Standing outside were two Illinois State troopers in full uniform. They asked if Grover Smedley was there and could they please come in to talk with him. “Certainly, said the city daughter, “Come in. He’s sitting right over there on the couch.”
A few feet into the house and both officers stopped suddenly and did some heavy sniffing. “I think we’ve got a marijuana bust here. Can we search the house?” asked Officer Not-So-Friendly.
It didn’t take long before they found a small bag of the illegal substance underneath a couch pillow near Grover. “Cuff him and let’s get our drug dog to search his car! I think he might be part of a marijuana distribution gang coming in from Colorado!”
Off they went with Grover in plastic cuffs leading the cops to his car. The now loosed drug dog hopped in Grover’s car and sniffed and pawed and finally woofed, signalling to his cohorts, the presence of marijuana. The cops then read Grover his rights and hauled him off to the Chicago Drug Offenders Intake Center.
After Grover spent a few days in a clammy cell, the full story unfolded: the bag of marijuana found in his daughter’s house belonged to her twenty-year son. The marijuana odor in Grover’s car got there as just prior to visiting Chicago, Grover had passed through Colorado on his way home from a tour Yellowstone.
The Drug Court dropped all their charges against Grover, but the Tollroad Authority Judge fined him for $200 for not paying his missed tolls on time and properly and, furthermore, banned him from the Illinois Tollroads for five years. Grover was actually quite pleased with the banishment.