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OUT OF BOUNDS By Geary (Smedley) Leason

Don’t Read This!

Have you ever wondered why horse owners put blinders on their horses? Horse blinders serve to limit distractions from coming into view of the horse, which if not attended to, will cause the horse to become unsettled and jumpy, and perhaps even to bolt. Likewise, humans also need “blinders” especially if they are interested in having a stress-free day at one level – and even more so for some already skittish folks to save them from bolting into madness. Scientific studies show that the more people are exposed – distracted – by emotionally upsetting events, the more likely it is that they will have serious mental breakdowns. So listen up, reader, if you want to have a stress-free day and avoid possibly being strapped down and committed by some well-meaning relative(s).

Horse blinders are simple leather attachments, but human blinders are much more complicated: while some actual blinders used by humans such as bedtime night masks, human blinders are mostly mental or attitudinal. Because of the dangers that come with choosing the wrong “blinders” – such as booze, gambling, drugs, and/or women, etc., – humans need professional guidance so as not to go down the wrong alley and end up stabled next to a crazy horse.

The potential for nasty outcomes in choosing the wrong blinder is such that Out of Bounds sought out The Smedley Institute for Sound and Safe Living (SISSL), the world authority on all things human, but in particular majoring on the human mind. If you, the reader, will use the blinders recommended by SISSL, you can have an undistracted and thus, a tension-free life:

Blinder #1: DO NOT READ THIS OR ANY OTHER NEWSPAPER!

Avoid at all costs reading any newspaper paper because they contain nothing but upsetting, emotionally wrenching stories of heartbreak, conflict, acrimony, and disappointing sports results – all of which will turn you into a basket case. Here is what you are missing by not reading the various sections of the newspaper: “Nine Afghan children along with three American health workers were blown away yesterday by a roadside bomb.” This depressing story is but only one of the hundreds of gut-wrenching stories that are printed each and every day in the World/Nation News section; The Arkansas Local News section records local mayhem, auto accidents, obituaries, and political corruption. The Letters to the Editor section has some clown telling you that your faith is bogus or worse. Why, says SISSY, subject yourself to these assaults on your peace?; The Sports Section has more tragedies per inch than all the rest of the paper. Unless you are a masochist who delights in the “agony of defeat”, avoid going into a tailspin by passing on this section which is filled with nothing but the horrors of losings, beatings, firings, wipeouts, and bitter disappointments.

Blinder #2. DON’T WATCH TV!

Since TV is really nothing but a visual newspaper, limit your TV viewing to ONLY one channel – the AMC Movie Channel – which just plays old movies where people keep their clothes on and the bad guys get it in the end. Another benefit from watching only this channel, is that you avoid serious aggravation by not having to wade thru infomercials, reality shows, and Extreme Sports!

Blinder #3: LIMIT YOUR INTERACTION WITH PEOPLE!

A major source of disturbing distractions is other people. They can get on your nerves like nothing else. SISSL advises that you avoid complainers, know-it-alls, whiners, pessimists, people in hospitals and nursing homes, non-elected officials, golfers, teenagers, IRS agents, and anybody named Smedley! And remember – Don’t Read This!

Have a Good One!

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