“How to Profit from the Upcoming Presidential Election”
Huey P. Smedley, a low level Van Buren county political operator (he recently ran for Constable in the Indian Hills district and was soundly thrashed), sees nothing but some golden opportunities for himself and other aligned investors arising from the upcoming November Presidential election. He is licking his monetary chops based on the surety that the two contestants for the White House will be Donald Trump for the Republicans and Bernie Sanders for the Dems. Whichever one wins the election is not critical for the success of Smedley’s sure-fire get rich investment schemes.
Smedley has calculated that the crescendo of discontent with the current status quo of all things government will bring forth landslide acclamations for both Trump and Sanders as their party’s nominees. The Trump strongman style of get-rid-of-all-the losers formula and Sanders’ free-everything-soak-the-rich utopia – will have swamped the moderate and conservative factions in both parties.
The current wave of populism is the order of the day, but at a much different level and higher than in the past in that it is markedly two sided and diametrically opposing. Sanders’ socialistic populist message speaks to the ever-enlarging population of “have-nots,” angry at Wall Street and corporations, seething at jobs being shifted overseas, and outraged at the tax avoiding “greedy rich.” Trump’s bullying and imperialistic stances have also stuck a nerve with many citizens alarmed by illegal immigration, already phobic about Muslims being and coming here, and harboring a general discomfort with the demands of some minorities. Sanders and Trump, with their stridency and their extremely polarizing platforms, will leave little or no room for moderation or accommodation of the other side following the election. The winners will not be gracious and the losers will be quite sore.
And this coming chaotic division is where Smedley envisions great opportunities for big profits. Smedley believes that there will be an enormous horde of American citizens looking to change their addresses – some sailing to faraway islands and others motoring to foreign lands – all hoping to avoid the aftermath of the new President’s – whichever one it is – radical programs and imperialistic executive orders. If Sanders wins, every dude earning over $100,000 will be fair game and left to shuffle along with a lot less. If Trump wins, it probably would not be a good idea to have a Hispanic sounding name as your next home will probably be south of the border.
In the event that Sanders wins, Smedley has optioned (with some IOUs) a dozen good-sized islands near Bora Bora in the South Pacific, planning to sell lots of lots at a juicy markup. Aside from the day-at-the-beach lifestyle, another benefit offered is the constitution for each island he had printed up by way of Legal Zoom. Condensed, this constitution has one central theme: to minimize anything governmental to the size of a pea. For example, it prohibits taxation of any type and outlaws salaries for any elected officials. Free banking and numbered accounts are all part of the deal.
In case Trump wins, Smedley has options (also via IOUs) to buy hundreds of thousands of desert acres just south of the Rio Grande River. These lots will sell for $1. Smedley figures he can make about $11 million on land sales alone. He also has arranged to buy several fleets of moving vans and Uhauls. Using Legal Zoom again, he fashioned another constitution for this area to be known as The South of the Border United States. This document will prohibit any laws restricting migration either in or out – and it also declares that no fence or wall can be built that is over one foot in depth or height. Smedley also has plans for several brick and concrete plants to be sited near the border and he figures to make a fortune as Trump’s giant – bigger than the Wall of China -The Mexican Trump Wall and Casino gets underway. The wall will also be a boon to the new settlers providing years of high wages coming from the Mexican government who Trump has persuaded to pay for the wall.
Smedley is looking for partners in these can’t miss opportunities. Call him at 884-6012. (No IOUs or personal checks, however.)