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OUT OF BOUNDS By Geary (Smedley) Leason

Smedley Arrested and Convicted!

Otis Smedley, the very same notorious right leaning geezer from nearby Prim who was hauled before the Congressional Committee on Un-Political Correctness a few months back, was back in the news recently after he was arrested and convicted of crimes committed under a new federal law, titled “Disdain and Intolerance Against Other People”. This law, overwhelmingly passed by both the House and Senate, is modeled after the “Hate Crimes” bill passed a few years ago. The “Hate Crimes” legislation works to add penalties to an offense which was propelled by the offender’s hatred toward those with differing characteristics such as race, gender, religion, etc.. Some folks have an honest disagreement as to the wisdom of this law believing that it goes too far into the arena of state directed political correctness and that most crimes, if not all, have enough punishment already attaching to them on the books. On the other hand , some see this law as an attempt to slow down the rising amount of violence committed by racists, militants, religious fanatics, hotheads, and the like. Otis was none of these, however, but he did have opinions, preferences, beliefs, convictions about many subjects mainly centering on public morality and personal freedom – some of which, you may recall, he had to answer for in his recent appearance before the Congressional Committee on Un-political Correctness. The new law, “DIP”, Otis feels has gone beyond the pale with the government now reaching into the realm of thought and speech control ala Orwell’s “New World Order”. The DIP law has criminalized speech, so that any derogatory comment – as defined by the law – is now prohibited and punishable by fines and/or prison time. For instance, if you make a comment about a gang of teenagers wearing their pants so low that the only thing holding them up is their pubic bone, you are guilty of “hate” speech. If you whistle at a good looking lady, you are guilty of sexual harassment. Words such a jerk, dork, fool, moron, babe, hot, are out. Any compound word used with -ass, is offensive. Words describing race, nationality, gender, religion, body type, IQ, weight, height, hat size, clothes, and shoe size are similarly marked as illegal. Gestures using a finger or a thumb and any signs of exasperation are now considered nasty offenses under the DIP law. The list of prohibited thought, speech, and actions takes up over 2,400 pages – even longer than the ObamaCare law, if you can imagine! Now for Otis’s crime: it all happened in the local Wal-Mart, on the day when many folks get their SSI, SS, food stamps etc., so the place was jammed. Otis was in the snack aisle intent on loading up with his favorite Beef Jerky, but he was unable to get through to this shelf as a rather large woman was blocking his path taking her sweet time, caring less about making room for him. Otis, not known for his patience, finally let her have it with these words which were, of course, being recorded as part of the new law’s implementation, “HEY, FATSO! WOULD YOU PLEASE MOVE YOUR GROSSLY OVERSIZED BUTT SO I CAN GET MY BEEF JERKY BEFORE I DIE!” Immediately several alarms went off and before he knew it Otis was standing in front of the DIP Administrative Judge who sentenced Otis to six months to be served at the Redneck Sensitivity Training Center. Once at the center, Otis was subject to one class after another as lectured (read brain-washed) by folks from the ACLU, the Abortion League, the LGTG Community, Atheists Against Religion, Pot Growers and Smokers Association, Crips and Bloods Youths for Freedom, Jihad for Americans, League of Disability Moochers, NAMB (National Association of Men and Boys), Vegans , PETA, Porn Stars United, and Americans For Anything Goes! When Otis was finally released after his six months were up, it was quite apparent that Otis was a changed person: as he stepped past the Center’s gate, he was not the same hard body wearing his customary blue jeans, denim shirt, and work boots – but now he was a “chubbette” with a chiffon scarf draped over his bare shoulders, wearing a ton of make-up, tatoos everywhere – and below, he sported a flowered thong and matching pumps. His once manly voice now spoke in a sweet, whispering tone, “I am moving out of the repressive village of Prim and I am now heading to Fayetteville to open up a gift and thong store. Bye-Bye!”

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