OUT OF BOUNDS By Geary (Smedley) Leason

Smedley Plunges into the Tank!

Ernest Smedley, still reeling (and reeking) from his disastrous adventure, “Poop to Profits,” has emerged once again with a big splash – only this time, he makes it on national TV. Ernest will be seen on the hit TV show, The Shark Tank, sometime in February, with great hopes that he will go home a rich man.

The TV show, Shark Tank, features five, well-healed entrepreneurs who are given opportunities to invest in business adventures as presented by creators of new or unusual products and/or services. Typically, a presenter demonstrates or furnishes example(s) of their products and/or services and then pitches the five wealthy guys, the “Sharks,” asking them to invest something like $150,000 for 10% of the presenter’s company.

The Sharks ask sharp questions, trying to determine if the presenter’s ideas and business plans make sense or not. About one out of three presenters are able to attract one or more of the Sharks into making a deal. The successful presenters feature odd-ball but successful ideas and then, with the Shark’s help, these fledgling enterprises often go on to great success. A couple of recent winners are “Chord Buddy,” an attachment to a guitar that helps the beginner guitarist to learn chords easily; another winner is “Cupcakes in a Jar” which is exactly what the product is – a delicious cupcake in a jar sent as a gift item. Another recent big winner is the “Chee Tom,” a grilled cheese fast food restaurant which is now being franchised all over the U.S..

Ernest happened to catch the Shark Tank on TVonly because his favorite TV show, “Duck Dynasty,” was into re-runs. When he saw a lady presenter trying (and failing) to get the Sharks to invest in her designer dog collar business, a great light went on in Smedley’s brain: he had a garage full of some very unique items that he had previously, but unsuccessfully, tried to peddle by way of ads on the inside backpage of True Detective magazine. Smedley reasoned that with financing and business guidance from a Shark or two, that his stuff could turn into a goldmine. Smedley hired a professional to create a very compelling brochure highlighting four of his best but still in the garage products. He then sent the brochure to the producers of the Shark Tank who were looking to find more “presenters” needed for the growing popularity of the show. The producers immediately responded to Smedley and agreed that he had some good stuff and scheduled him for the Feb. 11 show. Smedley’s brochure highlgihted these four sure winners:

Hot Springs PRE-HEATED Bottled Water: “Premier designer upscale water product for “instant hot” cappuccino, herbal teas, health food soups, and Turkish coffees. Eliminate the fuss of heating the water. Just add the upscale ingredient and viola! You have an instant and tasty steamy hot beverage!”

Water-Free Electric Toilet!: “Works on the same principle as the BUG ZAPPER! Just hit the switch and “it” is gone! Already approved and mandated in IOWA!”

Read & Roll Toilet Paper: “Your Morning newspaper delivered daily printed on toilet paper! Read and Flush!”

Ballroom Dancing Teaching Dummy: “Inflatable, life-like computerized dummy takes you thru all the steps; will lead or follow; will teach you how to dip; and on request will even walk you back to your seat. Available models: Man, Woman, Gay, or Lesbian.”

Smedley is confident that all his unique products will find willing backers in the Shark Tank. In particular, he thinks that the Ballroom Dummy will be right up Mark Cuban’s alley after his weak effort on “Dancing with the Stars” three seasons ago.

Stay Tuned.

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