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OUT OF BOUNDS By Geary Leason

Smedley goes to Washington, D.C.

Otis Smedley, notorious right leaning Geezer from nearby Prim, was subpoenaed last week to appear before the Congressional House Committee on Un-Political Correctness to answer allegations that he has offended a whole bunch of people. After being “oathed-in” (swearing is not permitted) by Chairleader Maxine Weiner (no gender words are allowed, either), Smedley was then subject to hours of grilling, beginning with an individual who was wearing high heels and a mustache.

HCUPC: “Smedley, did you or did you not in 2004 organize an event known as ‘A Million Citizens March Against Programs Supporting Global Warming?”

“Yes ma’am or sir – I’m not sure on how to address you – I sure did and we filled the Washington Memorial Mall with two million folks who question the so-called science supporting the Global Warming Theory – Because that is all it is – a theory!”

HCUPC: “And then in 2006, did you lead another march to Washington – this time ranting about Balancing the Budget?”

“Yea, that was me again, representing folks from every highway and byway of our land who are fearful that our out-of-control government spending is going to take all of us to the poorhouse!”

HCUPC: “In 2007, did you, Smedley, do it again with another march agitating for Scientific Creation to be taught in our nation’s public schools along with the imbedded Evolutionism?”

“Indeed, and I am very proud of this one as its noble purpose was to restore honesty in today’s atheistic and biased academia. I stepped on a few toes here, didn’t I?”

HCUPC: “Our records show that you did NOT conduct a march in 2008. Can you tell us why?”

“I was so sure that our newly elected President Obama would unite our nation by reducing all the massive unfunded spending programs, and that, finally, some of my pleas for fiscal sanity were being heeded. How wrong could one person be?”

HCUPC: “Smedley, you were back again in 2009, this time with a “March Against De-genderizing the English Language, with the theme being, ‘When a Man Loves a Woman.” This really offends our committee!”

“I’d apologize to you ‘person’ up there on the platform, but I am not sure what words to use that won’t offend you, because you folks have redefined and redacted much of the people’s everyday vocabulary for reasons that smack of a feminismistic agenda.”

HCUCP: “Cool down, Smedley! But your next march in 2013 went way over the top when you organized ‘One Million Men against Heterosexual Bashing!’ What in the world was this all about?”

“Are you kidding! The Gay, Lesbian and Transgender people have clearly won the battle in gaining rights and recognition, but it seems that this is not enough to satisfy them: they now insist that anyone who holds to the belief of the “natural” order (one man and one woman) should be declared a bigot, and worse, that they are POLITICALLY INCORRECT!”

HCUPC: “And what is your next wacko off-the-wall escapade for 2014, Smedley?”

“I am glad you asked. Our nation’s sexual morals have grievously eroded in recent years, resulting in millions upon millions of children being raised out of wedlock and without the proper nurturing structure of a mother and a father, creating havoc in our society. Look for our next year’s march to Washington to raise this issue under the banner of ‘FIVE MILLION VIRGINS – BOTH MEN AND WOMEN – SAVING THEMSELVES FOR AFTER MARRIAGE!”

HCUPC: “You are the most politically incorrect, obnoxious person ever to appear before this committee. There is no way you can pull this last one off, Smedley, and just like all the your other marches, this one will also end up as a big zero!”

“Am I done? Can I go now? OK, thanks. And oh yes, can you tell me where I might find a Men’s Room in this building as all I can find are unisex bathrooms?”

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